 When Sarah's mother told her that her grandfather had died, she thought; "This can't be true. If Grandpa really died I'd feel sad or something."
When we hear about someone dying, it doesn't seem real. Often they have been such a big part of our lives, we can't believe that they won't always be there. it seems like tomorrow they should be waiting for us right where they always were.
When someone we love dies, we can have all kinds of feelings that don't seem to make sense. We can feel guilty, even though we did nothing wrong. Sometimes we feel angry for no reason. Often we might feel nothing at all. Any of these feelings are normal. |
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Death is very hard to understand. No one really understands death well. People who have had no experience with death find it even harder to understand. It's difficult to believe that the person who died is really gone forever. Probably the hardest thing is to find a way to make the sadness inside feel better and to find a
way to say "Goodbye." Judaism teaches us how we can say goodbye in a way that can help us to feel a little better. |
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The fact that when a person dies they are gone forever is also hard to understand. Forever is something we've never seen. To most of us, forever is a very long time. With death, forever means we will never be with this person ever again.
When we begin to really understand what death means we feel a pain inside us. This pain is different from any other. It's a kind of hurt we rarely feel in our lives. It's a special sadness that is so strong, there is a special name for it. It is called "Grief."
Finding a special way to say "Goodbye" to the person who died helps us to know that the death was real. It also lets us start healing from the pain of the grief. This way of saying "Goodbye" is called a "Funeral." |
It's a special service where people come together to remember the person who died and say "Goodbye."
The Jewish religion has special traditions for the funeral. Many people choose from these traditions the things that will help them feel better. There is one tradition which explains many others; it is called, in Hebrew, "Kavod Ha'Met", which means to give special care, honor and respect to any person who has died.
This special care is not only for the soul and memory of that person; it also means giving special care to the body in which the soul lived. This is why the body of the person who died is never left alone until it is buried. It is also the reason why there are many other special traditions about how the body should be treated. |
Judaism says that we should have the funeral as soon as possible. This lets us begin to heal and feel better. The family's only duty, until after the burial, is to plan the funeral.
Part of planning the funeral is deciding how the body should be made ready for the service. The Jewish way is to have a group of people called, in Hebrew, "Chevra Kadisha", which means "sacred society", wash the person who died. This washing is called, "Taharah", a Hebrew word meaning "to make pure."
After the person is washed, he or she is dressed in special clothes called, in Hebrew, "Tachrichim." These clothes are hand sewn and made from a very soft linen. With everyone being buried in the same kind of clothes, |
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it shows that all people are equal. There are no pockets in these clothes because we take nothing with us when we die.
After the body is dressed, it is put in a casket which is called, in Hebrew, "Oron." According to the tradition, this casket is made from wood with no nails or any other metal in it.
The closest family members of the person who died are called "Mourners." In Hebrew, they are called "Availeem." They include the mother, father, sister, brother, husband, wife, son and daughter of the person who died. Although they are not called mourners, grandchildren and many others can be very upset that the person died. Some people come to the funeral to try to comfort and help the mourners feel better. |
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The mourners make a small tear in their clothes or in a ribbon worn pinned to their clothes while they recite a prayer. This is called' in Hebrew, "Kriah." The tear shows the tear in our lives from the death, and the prayer shows our faith in our beliefs.
At the funeral, everyone is there to say goodbye. The Rabbi usually speaks for everyone. The service begins with reading verses from the Bible that tell how our ancestors felt about death. Then the Rabbi shares some memories about the person who died. This sharing of memories is called a "Eulogy." Finally, the Rabbi recites a prayer for peace for the one who died and for making the mourners feel better.
After the service at the funeral home, everyone drives to the cemetery behind the car that carries the body. |
Following the body to the cemetery is a way to show our love and special care for the person who died.
At the cemetery, we often help bury the person who died. Just like following the body, it is a way of showing that we want to be sure everything is done to honor the person who died.
A prayer is said, at the cemetery, called the "Kaddish." This prayer does not even mention death. It talks about our faith in our Creator. It shows even when we are really feeling sad, and are in pain, we still have faith.
When we come home from the cemetery, we eat a special meal just like we do for many of our holidays. This meal is called, in Hebrew, "Seudat Havra'ah." This means "a meal to make us feel better." The meal has many things in it to remind us of the circle of life, and how life must go on. |
For a week people come over to take care of the mourners and see how they are doing. This is called, in Hebrew, "Shivah" which is the Hebrew word meaning seven. To help keep track of the time, we light a candle which burns for seven days. After the week is over the Jewish religion tells us step by step what we should do to help feel better through the whole year.
Living after someone we love has died is at first very hard. Even though we will always miss the person, over time we will feel less sadness. Judaism teaches us what we can do to help ourselves say goodbye and to begin feeling better. |
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